Benny’s Life: Series One

Episode One: The Beginning

Once upon a time, Benny was sleeping next to the invisible fire next to the computer which I am editing on word for this story. For seven days, Benny led there as she could not be bothered to even move, but one day she had to move to eat… But she was still not bothered. So she died of starvation. The end.

As a ghost, she haunted the church. Whenever somebody was put to the grave, she screeched with horror “I want feeding” “I want feeding” so nobody would arrive to the horror. One day, Benny’s ghost stopped a lorry, and ate it for no unknown reason. “I was hungry” she said, after reclining o a lemon. The lemon jumped and said “Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas Benny!” But Benny was not amused she got up and got out her magical banana, a banana so terrifying, so terrible, it exploded and so the queen of the North Pole also exploded into a strawberry sundae. “Oh how this reminds me of my life” Benny said. So she started a documentary on her life on BBC One. In which her entire life was to be protruded.

Benny then went to hell, in which she laughed and said “Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pile of alkaline, the queens mother lives in her hamster, and I am a lemon flavoured lemon! Oh hail the pineapple king! LOLOLOLOL!

And so Benny was reincarnated into a shoe. The end


Episode Two: Marmalade

As a shoe, Benny was very annoyed, her clock was ruined and her umbrellas were yellow, so yellow that it almost resembled a table cloth, A table which smelled of paper.

“OMGOMGOMGOMG” laughed the rainbow in north London. The robot cried and with it the oil running down its face. Benny hoped that one day she could climb a ladder so she can part with her laces. One day, Benny was crushed by a foot, she went back to hell. She next reincarnated into another cat. This cat was very purple with lemon polka dots, Polka dots which were also poison. Poison enough to kill a cat. How very ironic. So then, Benny started her new life by singing a very well-known song; “Twinkle twinkle little piano, how I wondered if I was a banana flavoured tomato!” Because she sang this, she then grew two extras feet.

Stay tuned to the next episode; will Benny ever eat a pineapple? Will jack and Jill ever go back down that hill with the queen mother ever escape from her hamster? Find out soon!


Episode Three: The Attack of the Bread Box

One day on a very cold winter day Benny travels to Egypt and meets a penguin called penguin that also has a pet penguin called breadbox who commanded an army of breadboxes who did nothing but hold bread. Penguin was always in a wheelchair which closely resembles a seven sided dice. The wheel chair was also yellow. The colour yellow is against the law in Egypt. Because of this, the Egyptians had to paint the sand bright green. “Hello, Hello my fly net is yellow” Said the penguin. His wheel chair went into defence mode and so Father Christmas died of cancer, and also because his elves shot him with a water pistol, which looked like a tambourine with the Argos catalogue, stuck to it.

Benny grew two more legs and said “Let’s all go to the moon to have a snowman fight” “Okay” said Tinky Winky. And so Benny went to the evil kettle. The evil kettle did the Macarena and fled to china.

What will happen in the next episode? Will Penguin go surfing? Will Benny ever fight a trampoline? Will I ever make a story that makes sense? Stay tuned.

You can also see an exclusive Benny interview on the BBC website. She talks about the joy of singing with Firemen.


Episode Four: The Seven Minutes It Rained Tumble Dryer’s

One day Benny went on holiday to her kitchen but it took her two years to get to the Bakery so she had to get a Baker’s piano there in a donut. Benny lost all her fur because she spoke Japanese. This is because pie plus three is acorn fire kidney laughing helloing gnashing hi said the moaning gorilla in the plant pot. The plant pot went “Roar”.

The police officer called PC Playstation then said to Benny “we are running out of hooplas”, so then she went in the Circus and did a cat impression. But then she realised she already was a cat; so she killed herself and reincarnated into a rabbit; despite the fact that she could no longer do a washing machine yoyo festival dance. She then sat in a chair, a chair which was triangular and smelled of cheese.

Stay tuned to find see if Benny eats London. Or to see if she goes to eat grapes with the queen of Pluto with a bason glued on her head. Why does the fantastic ruler of Germany always murder Gypsies? Qwerty hid in the boxing fridge and thought that pyramids were united with tigers on helium. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP———–Yoyos danced.


Episode Five: The Walking, Talking Cardboard Box

One day Benny was sat on the back of the pen lid and then thought, “I’m going to go to the pub to have a pint of dog feet”. Then she went to the bucket of fag lighters to eat some butter. Then she dived into a lamp and then the lams went moooooooooooo and so Benny turned into a speaker.

When Benny got home she saw this television advert on the side of some wheelie bin it said “Speaker are scientifically proven to have asthma” So Benny did a barrel roll, Then went boom.

Stay tuned because we are having the big change because we are now moving to the all-new BBC TWO channel how exiting is that and we also have a BBC HD channel that means High Definition so stay tuned to see if Benny actually does make friends with the kitchen table.


Episode Six: The Chocolate Toothbrush

When Benny was a camera she was very grumpy with the tin can that was across the road that she met when she was a bit younger. She also went to the beach so that she could go and see sandy because it was his birthday, so I gave him a small slice of cheese just to keep him going so then he could scratch Benny.

Then Benny went to the Kwik-e-Mart to buy some dragon wings but though when she got home she started to eat the dragon’s wings and then she was killed but she was not really bothered as she could claim it off of her life insurance. But when she was back as a ghost she read the small print and it said all people that claim off their life insurance after Runday the 57th of Television 3479 have to be turned into a duck so she said fine then as long as I won’t be dead so she went woof!

Find out if Benny changes into a dustbin lid next time in two weeks as Benny is ill next week. We are really sorry for the inconvenience.


Episode Seven: Oven’s For Sale

One day Benny came back home and sat in front of the fireplace and said I’m hungry so I need some lamps so quick get me some toothbrushes. Then she came over to the computer it took her three hours to get there but when she did get there she turned it on while I was typing this thing that doesn’t make sense.

Then she opened the disk drive and then she said that looks a nice cosy spot even better than sleeping in front of the fireplace all day so she slept in there for a few days.

Benny said I’m getting old now so I’m going to have to hire a gardener to give me my food because I keep forgetting to eat so keep dying all the time. And I’m starting to run out of money so I can’t pay all my bills such as my life insurance bill that is very important to me because if I die again then I am going to have to be reincarnated back into switch. And they go BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Stay tuned for more madness you can also see an exclusive interview of Benny eating!


Episode Eight: Benny and The Lump

One day there was a lump trapped on the ceiling; Benny looked down and fell up. Eventually after two hours she arrived at her kitchen and she got a lamp, she went out of her cat flap and entered the bedroom, Benny said “I don’t think I’ve been up here for the last 256 years” so she went out in the upstairs garden.

So Benny drove her car to Hogwarts to take her driving test, fortunately she failed her driving test so she said to herself “oh that’s good” so she went and bought a pickup truck specialized for Nanny’s handbags so she flew it to Antarctica to compete in a monster truck competition. She beat all of the monster trucks by driving into their wings so the monster trucks broke down and lost, so Benny won a chocolate flavoured lemon which resembled a chair so to Benny’s surprise she got tunnelled back home by an aeroplane. Unfortunately Benny is going on holiday to the north pole to meet Gordon Brown, don’t forget to tune in next month as this is the end of series one and series two will be starting next month!


Episode Nine: Why Did The Church Catch Anorexia?

Benny wanted to fly to the purple maracas inhabited within the liver of the old Safeway’s manager. However, she was countered by a sorcery which cost 49 mana. The thought of a deck having 49 land made Benny’s lava lamp consume the world eleventy times in the name of east Pluto. Penguin then made a cameo before getting shot for breaching her contract, so Benny painted the graveyard where Margaret Thatcher got tangoed, then slaughtered by a melting Llama on radio FM.

Waiting for the plot twist only felt the strawberry of yore rise to see the seven dwarfs eat Pinocchio on a cold, wet dustbin lid named Steve. Gnomes and trolls went shopping for the charity of moaners and monsters in west England displaying concrete signposts telling vehicles to drive over the planes which deliver pancakes to “Yes, Dale”. It then became illegal for jigsaw puzzles to have more than three pieces and be solved by Cthulhu or his pet afro.


Episode Ten: The Shrinking Jupiter of Caffeine

Benny watched Jesus fall off bubble gum while eating a unicycle. But soon afterwards she was abducted by a lampshade which closely resembled a garden vegetable patch playing Temple Run. Benny wasn’t best pleased about this oversized coffee mug so she proceeded to paint granddad Derek’s face with Mrs Brown’s living room curtain poles. These poles were so bright, but at the same time so very dull that it confused the Queen of the daffodils so much that she dropped her Orange flavoured Strawberry and started to dance to Gangnam Style, but at the same time sing Friday.

After waiting 187 yermomas for Benny’s fortune cookie to arrive, the captain of the pink alarm clock’s batteries began to leak, leaving a chocolate muffin with snow flavoured icing pepper underneath. Elvis Presley then brought his kettle’s keyboard which read “I love my pet tea towel” Benny’s twin sister pin drop loved the idea of a cold paper tower above a lamp post on 44th street.

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